Hey. Just wanted to do a quick post. I don't really know what I want to say... I just feel like I should say something.
There's been something on my mind lately, especially with some new things that have happened that will significantly shape how I live my life for the next year or so, and maybe even more. Nothing catastrophic. No one close to me has died. I haven't had my heart broken yet. My parents still have their jobs. I haven't developed cancer or some other fetal illness. I still have a roof over my head and plenty of food to eat. And yet I still must face these hard trials.
I'm too embarrassed to share it publicly, which is probably a little shameful and prideful on my part, but it still remains. But my dad found out about this trial today. It crushed me to see his disappointment. On the outside, it may seem that his worry is double that of mine - and it may be truthful on the inside as well. It's like there's no hope in his eyes. Yet I still chose to desperately cling to it.
From the past couple years, I have learned to look at trials from a very different perspective. I try to see them as blessings in disguise - which can be very hard at times. When we are faced with challenges, I think every single person - optimist or pessimist - sees the negative side first. We have this knack of finding the little things that are wrong, worrisome, or problematic. We tend to think of the worst possible scenario. While the pessimist chooses to dwell on these scenarios, the optimist will cast them aside and chose to look at the positive side that, while sometimes more subtle and hidden, is always there. Me, I chose not to dwell on the negative, but I don't cast it out either.
In one of my classes this past semester, we were talking about a story about a family's journey to a new land and how the entire journey was a symbolism, a microcosm for our whole lives. The family had to travel in small, crowded boats with no windows or ways to go out and get fresh air. Half the time the entire boat was filled with only darkness. And the entire time, a storm raged on over the sea and the family could never tell where they were, how much farther they had to go, or even if they were going in the right direction. But they never lost faith that God, their Heavenly Father, would help them reach their destination. Some might wonder how these people could continue on, or how God could let the storm rage over them and let them go through so much torment. Just like when we feel like we're drowning under the ocean in a boat we can't get out of or breath in, we shout out "Why me, God?" We wonder why we have been forsaken and what we have done to deserve such treatment.
....But then, we never stop to think, "Why has God presented me with this challenge?" "What can I learn from this?" We don't realize that while the poor family is being tossed about by the stormy rain and winds, it is those same winds and rain that is pushing the family towards their goal. God sends us winds, rain, and storms so that we can grow, so we can learn, so we can reach our potential and our goal.
Trials are not a result from God forsaking us, but of God pushing us to be more. He will never give us anything he knows we cannot handle. So don't give up. If He knows you can do it, you better believe it.
It may seem hard now, and it may be for a while... But have courage that it's a sign that your Heavenly Father trusts you can handle it.
I don't know what this next year might bring for me, but I'm not worried so much like my dad is. I'm not going to just leave things to chance, but I'm not so afraid. Everything has a purpose, and everything is meant for a reason. If I am meant to go through this challenge now, so be it.
The wind may try to topple me over, but it's really only pushing me forward.
So bring it on.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Stroke of Genius
FINALLY!!! I have a time to update my blog! I felt that it had become kind of useless since I had only 4 posts, and hadn't posted in over a month, but things got so crazy.
College, while fun, is super hard. Homework, projects, realizing you're not doing well in classes and stressing out, drama, stressing out more, finals, and packing up to go home? ....it's enough to just endure it all, let alone continue to have a social life along side it. Yet we all manage it somehow :)
Speaking of which - I just finished my first year of college! I can't even believe it! It's so weird to think that only 8 months ago, I was coming to BYU as a bright-eyed freshman, or that it was once super awkward between my roommates. And now, I am incredibly sad to leave them, and I can't wait to come back to BYU in the fall so that I can live with them in our new apartment that I am beyond excited to live in! I almost want these next 4 months of summer break to go by quickly... but I am still looking forward to not having classes and spending time with my family and some good high school buddies.
I have changed so much, grown a lot, and learned so many things over the past year. I hope that I remember all the great experiences I've had as a freshman. I absolutely love it. When I was talking with my sister the other day, I was complaining to her about the great stresses at college and how she should be grateful that high school is so easy. She groaned at how I was saying that it only just gets harder, especially since she's already so stressed in high school. But I could at least comfort her and say that while college is harder, it is so much more rewarding, and a million times more fun!
Anyway, so one thing that I really wanted to say - and I thought this was pretty profound. So I was in the kitchen today with a roommate as we were packing up all of our dishes and other things and she ran into an issue with finding a space for something. Then she got all excited, exclaiming that she had a "stroke of genius". She went on to do this thing, and then in the middle of it all...she realized that it may not have been the best idea after all. Then, kind of jokingly, I told her,
"Well, when they say you have a stroke of genius, it's not the entire masterpiece - it's just a stroke!"
She kind of chuckled...and then there was a silence. As I pondered what I had just said, my roommate asked me, "Wait...did you just come up with that right now?" And I had. And the more I thought about it, the more profound it seemed. I was actually pretty proud of myself!
If you really do think about it, a stroke of genius is just one small act in the larger picture. You don't make yourself on one single, large, great act. Our lives, our masterpieces are made up of thousands of small, seemingly insignificant strokes of a paintbrush. And really, while the larger strokes seem to get the job done faster, it's the smaller, more subtle strokes that make a painting more interesting, more intricate, and more beautiful. It's like my roommates that I am so sad to be leaving. They have helped me but more stokes on my canvas, and my life is so much more interesting because of it.
So when you are sad that you're making mistakes, and all of your seemingly great ideas seem to go downhill, just remember that you're giving texture to your great and grand masterpiece. And if you're despairing that you haven't had any strokes of genius yet, you haven't been giving yourself enough credit.
And that is my stroke of genius for the day :)
Hopefully I'll keeping my blog updated now.
College, while fun, is super hard. Homework, projects, realizing you're not doing well in classes and stressing out, drama, stressing out more, finals, and packing up to go home? ....it's enough to just endure it all, let alone continue to have a social life along side it. Yet we all manage it somehow :)
Speaking of which - I just finished my first year of college! I can't even believe it! It's so weird to think that only 8 months ago, I was coming to BYU as a bright-eyed freshman, or that it was once super awkward between my roommates. And now, I am incredibly sad to leave them, and I can't wait to come back to BYU in the fall so that I can live with them in our new apartment that I am beyond excited to live in! I almost want these next 4 months of summer break to go by quickly... but I am still looking forward to not having classes and spending time with my family and some good high school buddies.
I have changed so much, grown a lot, and learned so many things over the past year. I hope that I remember all the great experiences I've had as a freshman. I absolutely love it. When I was talking with my sister the other day, I was complaining to her about the great stresses at college and how she should be grateful that high school is so easy. She groaned at how I was saying that it only just gets harder, especially since she's already so stressed in high school. But I could at least comfort her and say that while college is harder, it is so much more rewarding, and a million times more fun!
Anyway, so one thing that I really wanted to say - and I thought this was pretty profound. So I was in the kitchen today with a roommate as we were packing up all of our dishes and other things and she ran into an issue with finding a space for something. Then she got all excited, exclaiming that she had a "stroke of genius". She went on to do this thing, and then in the middle of it all...she realized that it may not have been the best idea after all. Then, kind of jokingly, I told her,
"Well, when they say you have a stroke of genius, it's not the entire masterpiece - it's just a stroke!"
She kind of chuckled...and then there was a silence. As I pondered what I had just said, my roommate asked me, "Wait...did you just come up with that right now?" And I had. And the more I thought about it, the more profound it seemed. I was actually pretty proud of myself!
If you really do think about it, a stroke of genius is just one small act in the larger picture. You don't make yourself on one single, large, great act. Our lives, our masterpieces are made up of thousands of small, seemingly insignificant strokes of a paintbrush. And really, while the larger strokes seem to get the job done faster, it's the smaller, more subtle strokes that make a painting more interesting, more intricate, and more beautiful. It's like my roommates that I am so sad to be leaving. They have helped me but more stokes on my canvas, and my life is so much more interesting because of it.
So when you are sad that you're making mistakes, and all of your seemingly great ideas seem to go downhill, just remember that you're giving texture to your great and grand masterpiece. And if you're despairing that you haven't had any strokes of genius yet, you haven't been giving yourself enough credit.
And that is my stroke of genius for the day :)
Hopefully I'll keeping my blog updated now.
Friday, February 10, 2012
Valentine's
It's that time of the year again.
Valentine's Day. Or as others would like to put it: Singles Awareness Day (SAD).
Hmm...I don't really know what to write about Valentine's Day. The only real purpose for this post, other than to post something new since I haven't in a while, is to share this wonderful picture that I made with conversation hearts ;) But I thought I should say something about Valentine's day while I was posting something...
Anyway, so...Valentine's day. It's kind of a selfish holiday if you really think about it. If you have a significant other, you assume that they should get you some sort of gift and it should be special and heart-felt. If you don't have a significant other, all you can think about is your miserable existence as a single person without anyone to be loved by or to give you a special gift. Then of course, there's the whole matter of Valentine's day being strictly a Hallmark holiday devised to increase their revenue on cards, gift baskets, and chocolate heart boxes.
Now I'm not trying to be a cynic, but there is some sad truth in this. Whenever Valentine's day comes rolling around, people become very self concerned. "What should I get this special person? What will my special person get me? I hope it's yummy...or expensive. Anything of monetary value to show how much they love me." OR. "Why don't I have anyone special on Valentine's day? What's wrong with me? What's wrong with everyone else? Why doesn't any one want to get to know me? I want a box of chocolates. I want a rose from someone special. I'm so alone."
I don't know about you, but I thought the real meaning of Valentine's day was to show people you loved them, not to be concerned about how you are being loved. Who cares if your special person forgot to get you anything special for Valentine's day? If he truly loves you, he won't need one day out of the year to choose to express it to you. Who cares if you don't have a special someone to cuddle with and give you flowers? You still have friends, parents, and especially a Heavenly Father who knows you and loves you every single second of every single day. Why don't you give flowers to someone else to show how much YOU love THEM instead of whining in self-pity. Why not make someone else feel special?
So this Valentine's day, I challenge you to not spend any money. Forget about the trivial gifts and cards and chocolates (although....chocolate is always good....). Spend time with someone you love. This may be a parent, a roommate, a friend, a brother, a sister, or of course, your significant other counts too. But spend some REAL time with them. Make sure they know you love them no matter what--gift or no gift.
It's not the gift that counts. It's the time. It's the actual, true, pure love.
I hope you have a Happy Valentine's Day everyone.
Oh, and here's my picture. ;) And I'll admit to this one...it's a bit cynical. I guess it's something I'm really good at though. Forever Friend Zoned!!
Okay, and this is being super lame and won't let me upload this picture any bigger... so click it to see it a little better. Sorry I couldn't get it any larger! :(
Valentine's Day. Or as others would like to put it: Singles Awareness Day (SAD).
Hmm...I don't really know what to write about Valentine's Day. The only real purpose for this post, other than to post something new since I haven't in a while, is to share this wonderful picture that I made with conversation hearts ;) But I thought I should say something about Valentine's day while I was posting something...
Anyway, so...Valentine's day. It's kind of a selfish holiday if you really think about it. If you have a significant other, you assume that they should get you some sort of gift and it should be special and heart-felt. If you don't have a significant other, all you can think about is your miserable existence as a single person without anyone to be loved by or to give you a special gift. Then of course, there's the whole matter of Valentine's day being strictly a Hallmark holiday devised to increase their revenue on cards, gift baskets, and chocolate heart boxes.
Now I'm not trying to be a cynic, but there is some sad truth in this. Whenever Valentine's day comes rolling around, people become very self concerned. "What should I get this special person? What will my special person get me? I hope it's yummy...or expensive. Anything of monetary value to show how much they love me." OR. "Why don't I have anyone special on Valentine's day? What's wrong with me? What's wrong with everyone else? Why doesn't any one want to get to know me? I want a box of chocolates. I want a rose from someone special. I'm so alone."
I don't know about you, but I thought the real meaning of Valentine's day was to show people you loved them, not to be concerned about how you are being loved. Who cares if your special person forgot to get you anything special for Valentine's day? If he truly loves you, he won't need one day out of the year to choose to express it to you. Who cares if you don't have a special someone to cuddle with and give you flowers? You still have friends, parents, and especially a Heavenly Father who knows you and loves you every single second of every single day. Why don't you give flowers to someone else to show how much YOU love THEM instead of whining in self-pity. Why not make someone else feel special?
So this Valentine's day, I challenge you to not spend any money. Forget about the trivial gifts and cards and chocolates (although....chocolate is always good....). Spend time with someone you love. This may be a parent, a roommate, a friend, a brother, a sister, or of course, your significant other counts too. But spend some REAL time with them. Make sure they know you love them no matter what--gift or no gift.
It's not the gift that counts. It's the time. It's the actual, true, pure love.
I hope you have a Happy Valentine's Day everyone.
Oh, and here's my picture. ;) And I'll admit to this one...it's a bit cynical. I guess it's something I'm really good at though. Forever Friend Zoned!!
Okay, and this is being super lame and won't let me upload this picture any bigger... so click it to see it a little better. Sorry I couldn't get it any larger! :(
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
"Reading"
Judgment.
We do it unconsciously, consciously, and without any thought at all. We do it every minute of every day. As we are walking to class, looking at the people around us, watching TV, reading facebook posts. Whenever we see anything relating to another person (real or fictional), we put forth a judgment: a preconceived idea of what we think they are really like. That person didn't spend too much time on themselves this morning. Wow, they just made a really dumb decision. She looks conceited. He looks like a jerk. I can't believe they just did that.
It's a natural thing, to judge others. It's how we interact with others around us. It's how we deal with things that are different to us, and how we chose to view the world. Judgment is almost inevitable. We do it without realizing what we are doing.
It is unavoidable... and it can also be very hurtful.
We judge without thinking, but you can always think about what you do with that judgment.
We cannot help forming prejudices and preconceptions about other people, but we have the power to do something good with those judgments. No one says that because you think someone might be a jerk that you have to avoid them and give them mean glares because it looks like they're looking at you funny. You have no idea what kinds of things are going on in their life. You NEVER can know. Some people think that they can read others and that it is easy to pick out how a certain person is and what their exact personality will be, but until you really get to know that person, I don't think anyone can really "read" a person correctly. You may have good guesses or generalities, but you can never know what that person is going through.
So please, be careful what you say. Even in hushed tones, private conversations, and especially what you tell others. Just as you can never tell what a person is going through, you can never tell what impact your words might have on others.
I am not a perfect saint when it comes to judgments. I make unfair judgments all the time, and it may or may not prevent me from being a good person sometimes. But I think that we should all keep this in consideration.
We all know that you, yourself, have your own problems that no one else knows about. Know one could ever really understand what you are going through, and it pains you when people are inconsiderate and don't understand. Well that's the same for EVERYONE, people!! It's not all about yourself! You live in a world where it is absolutely impossible to avoid human contact. The world does not revolve around you. It revolves around people, and you're just one of them.
If you don't want people to judge you all the time, be the better person and don't let your judgments of others get in the way of your being a good person. It's as simple as that.
"Don't just look for the right person; be the right person"
Sorry for the rant, but it's something I've been thinking about lately.
We do it unconsciously, consciously, and without any thought at all. We do it every minute of every day. As we are walking to class, looking at the people around us, watching TV, reading facebook posts. Whenever we see anything relating to another person (real or fictional), we put forth a judgment: a preconceived idea of what we think they are really like. That person didn't spend too much time on themselves this morning. Wow, they just made a really dumb decision. She looks conceited. He looks like a jerk. I can't believe they just did that.
It's a natural thing, to judge others. It's how we interact with others around us. It's how we deal with things that are different to us, and how we chose to view the world. Judgment is almost inevitable. We do it without realizing what we are doing.
It is unavoidable... and it can also be very hurtful.
We judge without thinking, but you can always think about what you do with that judgment.
We cannot help forming prejudices and preconceptions about other people, but we have the power to do something good with those judgments. No one says that because you think someone might be a jerk that you have to avoid them and give them mean glares because it looks like they're looking at you funny. You have no idea what kinds of things are going on in their life. You NEVER can know. Some people think that they can read others and that it is easy to pick out how a certain person is and what their exact personality will be, but until you really get to know that person, I don't think anyone can really "read" a person correctly. You may have good guesses or generalities, but you can never know what that person is going through.
So please, be careful what you say. Even in hushed tones, private conversations, and especially what you tell others. Just as you can never tell what a person is going through, you can never tell what impact your words might have on others.
I am not a perfect saint when it comes to judgments. I make unfair judgments all the time, and it may or may not prevent me from being a good person sometimes. But I think that we should all keep this in consideration.
We all know that you, yourself, have your own problems that no one else knows about. Know one could ever really understand what you are going through, and it pains you when people are inconsiderate and don't understand. Well that's the same for EVERYONE, people!! It's not all about yourself! You live in a world where it is absolutely impossible to avoid human contact. The world does not revolve around you. It revolves around people, and you're just one of them.
If you don't want people to judge you all the time, be the better person and don't let your judgments of others get in the way of your being a good person. It's as simple as that.
"Don't just look for the right person; be the right person"
Sorry for the rant, but it's something I've been thinking about lately.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
A thought
Why does it always seem like the people we view as really happy, outgoing, and wonderful.... have the worst of problems? (Usually health-wise)
I don't know the particulars, but I saw someone I know today, and noticed she had to carry something with her, attached to her, monitoring her. I don't really know what it was, but I could tell that it had to do with her health. Something was wrong with her, and you would never be able to tell. There was some health issue, and she had to carry something around with her to make sure she was going to be okay. This person is so amazing. She is one of the happiest people, and she is so kind and caring..... and I never would have guessed something was wrong.
Why is it that those people--the people who have so many reasons to be bitter, upset, and depressed--always find a way to be happy, to be strong, to be wonderful? It makes me upset. Not because they are secretly hurting, but because they can be so happy and yet here I am, so blessed and healthy, and I am not happy. I complain. I whine. I worry about stupid things that don't matter. I am weak. It makes me upset towards myself.
What right to I have to complain about my life? I have everything I could ever need! I am so incredibly blessed, in more ways than I could possibly ever realize. I am so blessed, and yet I still find myself doubting and feeling petty self-pity. It's sad. Even now, I am complaining about how I complain too much. It's a vicious cycle.
Where here's my proposal. I will do my absolute best to STOP complaining. I have no reason to. I will try my utmost to be happy, and spread my happiness to those around me. I have all the reason to. No more complaining nonsense. I have been so blessed. I shouldn't complain. I should share what I have with others.
You people who are suffering, but have so much strength to put a smile on everyday... you inspire me. Never give up.
Thank you.
I don't know the particulars, but I saw someone I know today, and noticed she had to carry something with her, attached to her, monitoring her. I don't really know what it was, but I could tell that it had to do with her health. Something was wrong with her, and you would never be able to tell. There was some health issue, and she had to carry something around with her to make sure she was going to be okay. This person is so amazing. She is one of the happiest people, and she is so kind and caring..... and I never would have guessed something was wrong.
Why is it that those people--the people who have so many reasons to be bitter, upset, and depressed--always find a way to be happy, to be strong, to be wonderful? It makes me upset. Not because they are secretly hurting, but because they can be so happy and yet here I am, so blessed and healthy, and I am not happy. I complain. I whine. I worry about stupid things that don't matter. I am weak. It makes me upset towards myself.
What right to I have to complain about my life? I have everything I could ever need! I am so incredibly blessed, in more ways than I could possibly ever realize. I am so blessed, and yet I still find myself doubting and feeling petty self-pity. It's sad. Even now, I am complaining about how I complain too much. It's a vicious cycle.
Where here's my proposal. I will do my absolute best to STOP complaining. I have no reason to. I will try my utmost to be happy, and spread my happiness to those around me. I have all the reason to. No more complaining nonsense. I have been so blessed. I shouldn't complain. I should share what I have with others.
You people who are suffering, but have so much strength to put a smile on everyday... you inspire me. Never give up.
Thank you.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Here it Goes
So here it is. I'm caving. I'm starting a blog. For a couple of reasons. And here they are--
Reason 1:
Like I said, I'm caving. I'm going the band-wagon. Everyone around me seems to be starting a blog, and I've never really understood the point of one until I started reading some of the posts from my friends. To be honest, I kind of like them. Yes, I have a journal and will continue to write in it as often as I can, but the idea of sharing my ideas with others is intriguing to me.
Reason 2:
Typing on a computer is much easier and less time consuming than writing in my journal (although I still love it and will continue to keep up in my journal writing).
Reason 3:
I have found that I can express myself sooo much better when I am writing.
I was talking with a friend back from home about life, and I somehow ended up giving him a sort of pep talk (I don't know why, but that happens to me more often than not). Then he remarked how it was funny that we never were really that close when I was back home in high school, but now we were able to have these "deep" conversations. There is a simple explanation for this. I speak my mind when I am writing things to people. I am more willing to express myself, and do it much better when I am typing or writing something down on paper. If anyone ever really wanted to get some of my thoughts out of me, interrogating me would NOT be the best way to go. Get a letter from me, an email, and that is from my soul. I'm not afraid to talk to people when it's over the internet. Yes, this is pathetic, I realize that and I would like nothing better than to be able to fix that and talk to people more freely face-to-face, but in the meantime, this is where I come to a compromise.
Simply put, this blog is me. Uncensored and unfiltered. I want to share my significant thoughts with people. I want to help others realize their potential. I want to respond to people's questions without hesitation or restraint. So people, feel free to share with me what you will. I don't predict that many of my friends or family will really follow this blog, and I don't know how often I will really update this, but I want to be optimistic. So to the people that will actually keep up with this blog, feel free to message me, text me, email me, or even (heaven forbid) talk to me in person. Ask me a question, and I will respond to it here. I will tell you what I really think. A simple answer to a question makes all the difference.
Life really is simple. It's us that chose to make it so complicated.
Reason 1:
Like I said, I'm caving. I'm going the band-wagon. Everyone around me seems to be starting a blog, and I've never really understood the point of one until I started reading some of the posts from my friends. To be honest, I kind of like them. Yes, I have a journal and will continue to write in it as often as I can, but the idea of sharing my ideas with others is intriguing to me.
Reason 2:
Typing on a computer is much easier and less time consuming than writing in my journal (although I still love it and will continue to keep up in my journal writing).
Reason 3:
I have found that I can express myself sooo much better when I am writing.
I was talking with a friend back from home about life, and I somehow ended up giving him a sort of pep talk (I don't know why, but that happens to me more often than not). Then he remarked how it was funny that we never were really that close when I was back home in high school, but now we were able to have these "deep" conversations. There is a simple explanation for this. I speak my mind when I am writing things to people. I am more willing to express myself, and do it much better when I am typing or writing something down on paper. If anyone ever really wanted to get some of my thoughts out of me, interrogating me would NOT be the best way to go. Get a letter from me, an email, and that is from my soul. I'm not afraid to talk to people when it's over the internet. Yes, this is pathetic, I realize that and I would like nothing better than to be able to fix that and talk to people more freely face-to-face, but in the meantime, this is where I come to a compromise.
Simply put, this blog is me. Uncensored and unfiltered. I want to share my significant thoughts with people. I want to help others realize their potential. I want to respond to people's questions without hesitation or restraint. So people, feel free to share with me what you will. I don't predict that many of my friends or family will really follow this blog, and I don't know how often I will really update this, but I want to be optimistic. So to the people that will actually keep up with this blog, feel free to message me, text me, email me, or even (heaven forbid) talk to me in person. Ask me a question, and I will respond to it here. I will tell you what I really think. A simple answer to a question makes all the difference.
Life really is simple. It's us that chose to make it so complicated.
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